My dad…my hero!

I’m a certified Daddy’s girl. While I get a lot of my creative side from my mom, my passion for order and organizing are definitely from a strip of DNA coding from my Dad, and this Blog would not be complete without this tribute to him. I once made the mistake of not saying my goodbyes to someone I loved, when I had the chance, so now I try to let people know what they mean to me while I can, and not after they are gone. So when my Dad became seriously ill, I wrote him a letter. My sister (who was home and read it to him), told me it took them days to get through it, as they processed all the memories and emotions together. I miss him still, but I love that I got to say how much he meant to me. He knew, and that made all the difference.

I’d love to share the edited version with you. Perhaps it’ll inspire you to pick up the phone, send a text or a video call, and just love on someone. We all need it. Love and affirmation is a powerful tonic for the soul and mind. Everyone needs it.

So here goes…

“Dearest daddy, I don't know if I ever really told you often enough, how much I loved you, and how much you meant to me, I’m just so thankful that I was able to let you know some of it while I still could. Oh, and how very much I appreciate you. You were honestly the best dad that a girl could wish for. There are so many things that you did for us that I took for granted. You were one in a million. Waaaaay ahead of your times!

I’ve got so many fond memories of growing up with you. Though there were five of us kids, I always felt pretty special. We all did. You doted on us! Nothing was too unmanly – you sang to us, danced with us, cleaned out ear wax, trimmed our nails, doled out haircuts, cooked our favorite stuff, played with us and nursed us to health… I still recall your black ‘medical bag’, with a mixture of awe and fear.

I remember our trips to Presidential Hotel; you always bought me story books & comics. You encouraged my love for reading, and I will always love you for that. It’s helped me become successful in my career, and I managed to pass that on to my girls. When they were little, we would go to the library, and between them, they’d borrow more than 60 books at a time! We used to turn heads as we made our grand exit - actually using rolling suitcases to cart the books away!

If any of us kids made the mistake of asking you a lil’ question, out would come the extra-heavy Encyclopedia Britannica and the rest of the evening would be spent poring over them. And the mental arithmetic games we played in the car, on road trips to Enugu or Port Harcourt - oh my! You encouraged a curiosity & a love for learning in me that I have tried to pass on to my kids. They are doing fab in school now, because of the habits that you taught me that I’ve tried to inculcate in them. I hear myself always telling them the things you used to tell us as kids, inspiring us to be the best that we can be! Thank you for all those evenings going over our home work with us.

I still remember you dropping me off at FGGC Owerri with the words: "Start from the word 'GO'!" Thank you for all the time & effort you put into giving us the best education you could. You always said: "No knowledge is wasted!", and you’re absolutely right! You’d ask us if the person who came first in our class had two heads. Kinda rude, LOL, but it worked.

You believed in us, so we believed in ourselves. You’d say: “It's not hard", when we had to learn something new - as if you needed to first instill confidence in us. I still tell myself “It’s not hard,” whenever I have to learn a new skill.

You taught me the value of family, spending time with us was priceless to you. I remember all those trips to Ridge club, and to American Quarters' club. The barbecue & malt drinks you’d ply us with, until we were stuffed! I remember planting trees together on weekends - you were environmentally conscious way before that was a thing.

I remember weekends spent playing with that scrabble, and then later chess, and sometimes monopoly. I remember the trips to Aba sports club too, going to Oguta lake, and trips to the war museum in Umuahia. Those are some of my best memories! I remember going to IITA with you, it was there I fell in love with the beauty in nature.

I’ll never forget those Sunday evenings when we would watch the latest Indiana Jones, James Bond movies and Hercules/Sinbad the sailor movies together. Or when you’d regale us with stories of Greek mythology. I love how you’d tell us stories from your own childhood. I still tell some of those stories to my own kids. Or the Sunday afternoons spent putting that huge train set together, and the thrill when all the tracks were laid and we got the train going.

You made sure that the monotony of growing up in a College town was broken up by lots of fun times. You were a fabulous cook, you taught me most of what I know about food, and how to balance healthy eating with pleasing the palate. You would be so proud to know that I still eat my veggies – everyday! One of my biggest regrets is that I never wrote down your special recipes, I would have loved to pass them down generations.

I remember the yam pounder, and mashed yams on Sunday afternoons…eating ‘oka na ube’ in late summer. You turned simple family meals into grand occasions.

Always with that Canon camera around your neck, capturing sweet memories.

You gave us a quintessential childhood. Life with you was one ‘high-life’ party! Mummy would shake her head, and call us ‘ndi-uwa-oma’ (good -time people).

You had a shortcut for everything, some with disastrous results!

You always loved having guests. You and Chibu would prep the meat, then took care of the 'empties' and you’d both bring drinks to the girls in the kitchen. The thought of your Oxtail & Ngwo ngwo (a spicy goat soup) still makes my mouth water. I would do anything to have you whip up some now.

You and your friends and high school mates from DMGS would entertain us with stories of your escapades…till the house shook with your belly laugh, and actual tears of laughter rolled down your face.

My friends laugh when I tell them how you soaked everything in Milton, I remember one day you ran out of Milton, and used Dettol, and all the fruit shriveled like wizened old men! I was shell-shocked when I grew up & realized that not every family did that. 

I remember how you’d sit and feed us yourself if we hated some kind of food or if we were sick. You would say "aaaahh" and we had to open up, and then you'd say "woom" as we swallowed whatever it was.

You were dynamite, fun-loving, an avid tennis player and enthusiast, but watching you watch soccer matches was the real makkoy – I was convinced that your bellows at missed goals would eventually raise the dead! And yet your professional resume could make a grown man weep, your accomplishments run into pages - you were nothing short of genius.

I appreciate all the sacrifices you made for us. We used to tease you for never buying new clothes or shoes, but now I realize that you did that because we had limited resources, and you gave up your own needs so that we could have everything WE needed. And we could always count on you to slip us some extra pocket money! I thought all dads did that, but now I know better, and so I appreciate you even more.

Thank you for inculcating discipline and great work ethic in us. I love how you would reason with us, and show us the 'error of our ways' without lifting a finger. As a child, I wanted so much for you to be proud of me, and that desire helped to shape the adult that I have become. I still remember the loving letters you wrote me when I was in high school, you’d say how much you missed me. None of my friends ever got actual mail from their dads, and I read them over and over till they were dog-eared and falling apart.

You gave all your kids your undivided attention. I remember the smell of Old Spice & Lavender Talc as you’d swing Ndy and I on your knees. Because of you, I knew what love should look like. It's no wonder that you were the one everyone came to for help. I think that was one of things that drew me to my hubby. He reminds me of you, generous and self-less, always putting others’ needs before your own.

My sense of self-worth and self-confidence came primarily from you, because I felt I was very important to you, and I knew you were proud of me. We knew we mattered - cause we mattered to our dad. I guess that's also why I have such faith in God, you were and are a great dad, so I naturally feel God is a great Father too! I never heard you raise your voice to Mummy- not even once. I know you didn't always see eye to eye, but I never saw you treat her with disrespect, so when I was old enough to marry, I made sure my future husband was like you.

There are tons of stuff I cherish about you. We were blessed to have you as our dad. I will always love you, and I’m so very proud of you. I am fiercely proud of all that you accomplished, despite your humble beginnings. I still brag about my dad, the geneticist! I use your story to encourage people who are struggling.

You were one of the most brilliant people on earth…and yet humble.

So much fun...and yet so self-disciplined.

A force to be reckoned with…and yet so gentle.

You are and always will be, without a doubt – my hero!”